More Non-Titillating Dramatics
What am I just your whore? You need a slack night and loads of beer before you'll get in touch. I have spent this last textless week reviewing all the hurt you have ever caused me.

You said you would take my washing machine to the dump. But you forgot.
You ignored my 15 hilarious text messages and then said it was because you weren't a teenager.
You said I would soon get fat like I used to be, now that my gall-bladder is gone.
You ignored my pleas for help when I was desperate and then texted 4 days later saying I must have fancied a shag.
You said some men would take on another man's kids and some men wouldn't and that's life.
You said you would always be there for me, and then were never there, even when you had promised to be somewhere specific.
You did that approximately one million times.
When I was so ill that I lost one stone in one week, you remarked that I was still only about average.
You said I was a sexy looking woman, but with blonde hair I would be sexier
When I stormed off in sub-zero temperatures and no coat you let me go
You made me cry again and again and again. On purpose.
You only ever treated me nicely when I slagged you off or ignored you or made out I was sleeping with someone else.
You compensated for 6 months of abusive text messages by leaving a bottle of wine on my doorstep. White wine. And were surprised that everything wasn't cool.
You acted like you were doing me a favour if you showed me a second's attention. And me a goddess! And you scum to your very core! As if....

I really fucking hate you and your bitter little heart. I put up with it because I thought underneath it all I was the love of your life. But now I know I wasn't I can't believe I kept forgiving you for being so crap. Mind you I ain't exactly perfect myself.

I see you in ten years time, staring into the middle distance, telling some woman that you were unable to show her any love because you once knew a dark-haired woman who hurt you really badly. You will say you gave her everything, but it was not to be. I hope I am there to hear it, I will tell your new victim that in fact you gave me NOTHING.

My Funny Night Part 3

The other way D staggered me was less dramatic but a lot nicer.

A couple of weeks ago I had turned up at his house in the middle of the night and railed at him drunkenly for quite some time. The next day I was too chicken to remember what I said but I did remember the spirit of the thing so I went round and apologised.

Last night D gave this speech and for a man that doesn't talk this is some speech.

{abridged reader's digest version}
"The last year or so I've changed and I don't like how I've changed. I don't care about anyone but myself any more and I always used to look out for everyone. You told me how selfish I am (so that's what I said) . I thought you were talking shit and then I thought and realised you were dead right. I want to change so I'm not like that any more and I want you to help me."

That would be sort of moving from a soppy guy, from him it was just beautiful. It was so unexpected I could only listen all slack-jawed and then kiss him.

So today has been real bitter sweet. Right now I want to make him come over and share more stuff with me. But I think the moment has passed for him and we may never see the like again. This morning he was grumpy as hell. And not a peep from him tonight.

Its all very Mills & Boon and not a bit raunchy. But it cut right through to me and I had to write it down.

Midnight. Enter D, containing 10 little bottles of French beer. Staggering, what with having lost his ability to balance.

Never mind the sex after all. D made me gobsmacked twice by telling me things about himself. Beyond gobsmacked.

First he said there's been 2 women in his life and the first hurt him so badly that he thought he'd never get close to anyone again. But now he felt close to me.

Pourquoi gobsmacking? Because I've known him 8 years and he never told me before that he felt anything for the mother of his 17 year old son. Vain twat that I am, I thought that I was the love of his life. Of course, I had noticed that he was completely unable to express any kind of emotion or tell me anything or let me get anywhere near him. I just assumed that he'd had some kind of dreadful experience as a boy. Seen his mother kissing an uncle or something.

Now I have to put kid in bed so will cut this short and fill in other gobsmacker later.

I drove him back home this morning and he pointed to a woman walking near his house pushing a pram.
"That's my ex" he said. So I gawped and then gawped more when I drove back home. Bugger me, I'd assumed she'd be some tawdry washed-up tart. But she is beautiful. Long pre-raphaelite blonde hair, tall, skinny, lovely face. Just a goddess. And she lives right near him. I just wanted to die. And then I remembered him asking me if I'd considered going blonde. That was seven years ago and I'd thought it was weird and out of character hint at the time. And now I know where it came from. And on that chilling note...... more later.....

Oh hell, nothing is like I thought it was.

Just cringed reading my last posts being scathing about D's ear infection. Because now 4 months later it turns out he is completely deaf and has lost all the balance technology from his right ear. Rotten bitch me.

Last night started with a bold yet stupid text from me to D. It went:

"So to sum up, I'm not speaking to you until you admit you love me and are miserable without me."

That was 8pm.

d 11:05 : "ok i lo lo lo lo lo li li li like u. U"
d 11:20 : "fancy a shag U?"
d 11:25 : {call, unanswered}"
d 11:32 : "ok u win i do love u"
me 11:33 : "and are you miserable without me?"
d 11:40 : "Sometimes. U"
me 11:41 "i should bloody well think so. well done U"
d 11:44 "so you want 2 c me tonight?"

(several boring texts in which i feign reluctance and d says he will see me soon omitted)

So I'm feeling all cocky at this point. Little did I know that I was soon to feel a bit shit. But I might have guessed.